Sleep at Last
by Crymsyn Moon
Summary: Gaara reflects on his life, doesn't like it and decides to do something about it. My second suicide fic. Warning - contains profanity and character death.


**Disclaimer: I don't own Naruto, no matter how much more epic I could make it.**

Sleep at Last

Death. I wonder what it's like. I guess I'll find out soon enough. It's only a matter of time. We all die eventually. We all have that in common. The difference between me and everyone else is that they all try to avoid death; I'm running towards it as fast as I can.

To put it simply, my life is a living hell. It has been like this since the day I was born. As I came into the world, mother left. I was left with quite the dysfunctional family.

To start with: my father; the esteemed leader of Suna. The bastard who left me cursed before I was even born. He planned to use his own son as a weapon. Too bad for him I didn't turn out as planned. But really, who couldn't foresee putting a demon into a child might go wrong? After long he deemed me "a danger to the village." He just wanted to cover up his fucked up little failure. I can't remember how many assassins he sent over the years. Not one could even leave a scratch on me. Honestly, it's a shame they didn't succeed. It would have easier and less painful than doing it myself. In short, he wasn't the best father. I'm glad that asshole is dead.

Then there is my uncle. When I was little, I practically worshipped him. In a world that hated me, he taught me what love was. Or at least what it should be. In the end, he volunteered to work as one of the assassins my father hired. He blamed me for my mother's death. How he could blame a child for something for the tragedy he was born into is beyond me. The one person I thought I cared for tried to kill me. So I killed him. In retrospect, I'm glad he died by my hand. What right did that sick bastard have to fuck with my head? He's the one who broke my sanity, and for that he deserved the grave.

There are also my siblings. An older brother and sister should love and protect their little brother. Instead they avoid me like the plague. Apparently they think that I want to kill them. I don't. Or at least, I didn't. They feared me from the day I was born. Did they really think a little kid would want to kill the only real family he had left? Of course I didn't; but they still avoided me. They left me all alone just like everyone else. As a matter of fact, they were worse than everyone else. They're supposed to be my family god damn it! Because of that, the fear they imagined began to turn real. For what they'd done, I gave them a real reason to fear me. Any fear they felt is their own damn fault.

On top of this fucked up family, there's my inner demon. And no, not the kind of inner demons that everyone has to face. I'm literally possessed. It's not fun. Because of this demon, I'm feared by everyone. Because of it, my mother died. On top of that, the bastard wreaks havoc with my mind at every chance it gets. Especially at night. Because of it, I can't sleep. Ever. That's just cruel. Every time I start to doze off, I get hit with the most horrific nightmares imaginable. Insomnia is one thing, but to not be able to sleep _ever_ is unbearable. It's driving me insane. I'm pretty sure it already did, at least for a time. Worst of all, because of it, I can't die.

Since this demon inside me is so concerned with its own well being, and indirectly mine, it protects me with sand. Whether I want it to or not. The sand is always there. I can't escape it. It prevents any blade from touching my skin, any flame of explosion from reaching me, any poison from passing my lips. There's nothing it can't stop; well, _almost_ nothing. Water. A lot of people actually assumed that water is my weakness. They thought it would make my sand useless. Too bad for many would be assassins that's not the case. My sand floats through water as easily as it does through air. It can't be instantly washed away any more than you could blow it away. It only makes the sand heavier. That's not a problem unless I'm wearing my armor of sand; and even then I hardly need to move in battle. In fact it only helps my ultimate defense. Heavier sand only makes it harder to get through. And just because it's heavier doesn't mean it's any slower.

Water can't penetrate my defense in battle any more than a blade can. Fortunately, water can destroy my defense given enough time. That's why I accepted this mission to the Land of Water. As a matter of fact, this body of water is big enough. With enough water over a long period of time, the sand washes away, grain by grain. I don't have to tread water for very long, the weight of the sand tires me quickly. Unfortunately, as soon as my head goes below the waves, the sand solidifies beneath me, giving me my own little island to sit on. But I knew this would happen. It's only a matter of time. The island is shrinking by the minute. There's barely enough to keep me afloat now. It's nearly all gone, so I'm left to tread water yet again, until I'm too tired to live.

I can't keep above water any more. I reflexively hold my breath until my lungs burn. I can feel the last remnants of my sand tugging, trying to bring me back to the surface. That demon just won't give up. I can hear it screaming in my head. Give in already, I have. I try to breath, and all that fills my lungs is water. Like gasoline on fire, it only makes the burning worse. I begin to vomit; no, I'm just trying to cough the water out of my lungs. It's no use. All the space it clears is only refilled by more water. God, I didn't think it would be this painful. It feels like my chest is going to explode. My mind is starting to fade, it's all getting hazy. This darkness, this relief from consciousness; I've been waiting so long for it. To be free from all the persecution, the hate, the fear that always follows me. It's so quiet it my head, so peaceful. Looks like I can finally get some sleep.

**A/N : So, the end. I hope you liked it. If you did, then feel free to write me a review. It'd be much appreciated. And if you didn't like it, well go die. But write me a review first. **


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